Boy with the Old Man's Hair
by Panda-Angel-Wings
Summary: Boy with the Old Man's Hair got a watermelon from Tall but Quiet Woman with a Covered Bun, and fled to the other world, killing off Bad guy with the Broken Glasses and Dog Face Man. CAUTION: May die of disbelief or laughter. Either one acceptable.
1. Boy with Old Man's Hair

**Bear with me on this one...I got high off of chocolate chip cookies Laiba "made" me. **

Once upon a time there was a watermelon farm sitting in a village.

A young boy-I mean _man- _watched over the watermelons. He was known as the "Boy with Old Man Hair."

Why? Because it was white.

This Boy with the Old Man hair- I mean _Man _with the Old Man Hair-loved watermelons so much he always made sure he ate all the pieces.

When he grew up, which was actually a few years later, the boy continued to look like a boy (and still insisted he was a man) but he rose the ranks so quickly of his newly appointed job, he never had time to consume another watermelon.

One day his best friend, the Tall but Quiet Woman with a covered Bun(because she was tall, a woman, and did have her bun tied in cloth), walked up to him with a large watermelon in her hands.

"Shiro-san!" (You know, White-san), she called out.

The Boy with the Old Man Hair turned back to look at his old friend. "What do you want, temee-" He paused, his turquoise eyes widening in wonder. The Tall but Quiet Woman With a Covered Bun raised the watermelon to confirm his expectations.

"It's all for you!" She said happily, her covered bun moving in the wind. The Tall but Quiet Woman with the Covered Bun knelt down to her besties height and shoved the watermelon in his arms. "EAT IT WELL!"

The Tall but Quiet Woman with the Covered Bun ran through the woods and back to her quarters.

The Boy with the Old Man's Hair stared back at the watermelon. He wanted to eat it but...it was too unsafe. He looked up to see the Nobleman with the Hair Curlers walking towards him, looking at the horizon. The Boy with the Old Man's Hair knew the Nobleman with the Hair Curlers wouldn't mind him eating a watermelon, but he had his suspicions. He quickly fast-walked all the way to office.

The Boy with the Old Man's Hair was very nervous. He did not want anyone to see his watermelon, thinking they may steal it. When the Red Pineapple Hair Man, one of the Nobleman with the Hair Curler's men, came to his office to give some paperwork, he said, "Nice watermelon."

This made the Boy with the White Hair suspicious. How did he know about the watermelon? Did the Nobleman with the Hair curlers want it too? He took out the nearby baseball bat and whacked it on the Red Pineapple Hair Man's head. The Red Pineapple Hair Man fell to the ground like a ragdoll.

Quickly, the Boy with the Old Man's Hair fast-walked all the way to the Main Hall of his office. There, he saw the Dog Face Man sitting and watching the sky. The Dog Face Man saw the newcomer and smiled. "Konbawa, Taichou. Wanna eat something with me?" In defense, the Boy with the White Hair took one of the nearby branches and threw it several feet away. "Fetch, doggie."

The Dog Face Man had no choice but to run after the stick barking. taking his chance, the Boy with the Old Man's Hair fast-walked all the way to the gate to the _other _world. There, he met with the Bad Guy With the Broken Glasses. The Bad Guy with the Broken Glasses smiled when he saw the Boy With the Old Man's Hair.

"Asslamualikum," the Bad Man with the Broken Glasses said. "I am looking for the huMan with the Orange Hair. Did you see him? I think he was wearing a green and red-"

The Boy with the Old Man's Hair quickly smashed the small marble in the Bad Guy With the Broken Glasses's face, who then passed out and dreamed about an orange haired hime. The Boy with the Old Man's Hair ran away to the _other _world.

By now, the Boy with the Old Man's wanted to find a safe place to eat his watermelon. He had waited for this day to come for sooooo long. He came out onto a cliff top, which was secluded by Tall Black Trees. Finally, he had a safe place to eat his watermelon.

But then a Monster with a Black Mask came out of nowhere, and attacked the Boy with the Old Man's Hair. Why? Because he had the watermelon. The Boy with the Old Man's hair ripped out one of the branches of the trees and poked it through the hole of the Monster with the Black Mask. The Monster with the Black Mask laughed. He then flicked the Boy with the Old Man's Hair's nose.

Right when the Boy with Old Man;s Hair was about to kill the Monster with the Black Mask using the power of the Chappy, a power the Nobleman with the Hurl Curler's sister, the Bunny Woman, used, the huMan with the Orange Hair arrived out of nowhere. He killed the Monster with the Black Mask with the power of the Quincigami, a rare art that can only be done by huMans with Orange Hair.

"Boy, as thanks can you give me your-" the huMan with the Orange Hair began to say, but the Boy with the Old Man's Hair punched him and made him fall off the cliff.

The Boy with the Old Man's Hair laughed a crazy laugh, and bellowed into the cliff. "I AM THE ONLY ONE THAT WILL EAT THIS WATERMELON! IT IS MI-" The Boy with the Old Man's Hair lost his balance, and fell off the cliff, into the water. He released his sword (which he had the ENTIRE time, mind you), crying, "Ice Make, Ice Dragon!"

But he fell into the water anyway. Don't worry, the Boy with the Old Man's Hair survived.

Meanwhile, on the clifftop, a lone figure watched the Boy with the Old Man's Hair tumble into the waves with his failed Ice Dragon. Sighing, the Big Bosomed Blonde picked up the watermelon, and swallowed the thing whole. She barked a short laugh, and then yelled out into the wind, "HAHAHA! I PLANNED THIS ALL FOR YOU, TAICHOU! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR GIVING ME TOO MUCH PAPERWORK!"

And so she went back home, to see a depressed Boy with the Old Man's Hair. He looked up, with pitiful eyes, expecting some kind of reaction.

A reaction he got alright. The Big Bosomed Blonde laughed _in his face, _and ran away. The Boy with the Old Man's Hair's eyes's narrowed.

"Was that watermelon, I smelled?"

* * *

Hitsugaya stared at the screen with the perfect poker face look.

Byakuya looked down at his manicured nails with a sigh. Yamamoto, Kyoraku, and Ukitake, applauded.

"That was the best movie I saw!" Matsumoto declared, smiling. "Right, taichou?"

A vein popped on Hitsugaya's forehead. "Matsumoto...were you the one doing the monolouge?"

Before she could answer, Kyoraku said, "Hitsugaya, want a watermelon?"

Hitsugaya opened his mouth to retort a response, when he heard a grumble from the corner of the Ichi-bantai Barracks.

Komamura looked at the screen in disdain. "I'd never play fetch. Sorry, Boy with the Old M— I mean Hitsugaya," he said.

Hitsugaya fumed with anger. His reiatsu rised dangerously high. "HOW DARE YOU—"

That was quite a good movie, I must say," came a voice from the window. Everyone yurned to look in surprise at a cleanly dressed man with his hair slicked back with gel. "But how did you know I had broken glasses?"

"AIZEN?" Everyone yelled, albeit Matsumoto, who smiled in response.

"Orihime told me. We're besties," she answered happily. Apparently, she enjoyed the fact that she ended with the watermelon.

"Toushiro-san," Aizen yelled. "My Arrancar have picked up signals to one of the most dangerous entities in the universe. It is called, the Growing Watermelon. It makes you grow. If we can get it, I'll let you eat it all, and you won't have to sleep a lot anymore, because you'll grow as much as you want."

Hitsugaya's eyes narrowed even more. "No."

"I'll give out free normal watermelons~"

"No."

"I'll make sure to develop a drug to make you naturally taller. I think humans call then 'steroids.'"

"No."

"…" Evil grin. "Whatever you say, _Boy with the Old Man's Hair."_

"Bankai. Daiguren, Hyorinmaru."

* * *

**Didn't I tell you to bear with me? Well, I think it was a pretty good parody.**

**But I wanna know...did you know who each person was? I kind of gave away some of it in the ending though...but if you want, I'll make a continuation! That is...if I get enough reviews. :D**

**Chao!**

**~Sabrina**


	2. Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons

_**He **_**is here. Who he is, is for you to find out. If you still don't get it, this is PURE CRACK. . can you guess who the main character is? Lets see :P**

* * *

Once upon a time there was a Big Mansion. A boy lived in the Big Mansion. He was Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons.

Why? Because he wore Hair Ribbons.

Everyday he worked with his studies and studious training to become the man he will be in the future: the Nobleman with Hair Curlers. It was the highest rank any Noble can achieve, starting at Noblebaby with Diapers, Nobleboy with hair Ribbons, and then Nobleman with Hair Curlers. Indeed, the best of the best received this title.

His best friend, Purple Haired Kuro Woman helped him do his studies and studious training. Her friend, Blond Smart Man, helped her when she did not know how to help him.

"Blond Smart Man," she said walking into his smoldering room. She glanced at the weird Machine with Green Smoke with an eyebrow raised, prompting Blond Smart Man to explain.

"That is a Machine with Green Smoke. It is highly dangerous," he wiped his blond brow with a rag. "How can I help you Purple haired Kuro Woman?"

"Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons needs to know about the secret art. He needs help."

"Yes, yes, I think it's time to reveal the truth to Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons."

The two friends discussed this _truth_ and eventually Purple Haired Kuro Woman left to go find Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons.

Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons was in the garden when Purple Haired Kuro Woman fast-walked into the Big Mansion. He was striking his stick in the air in sharp thrusts, trying to kill the Black Butterfly that had eaten his watermelon.

"Purple Haired Kuro-Woman," Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons said.

"I have a secret to tell you," replied the Purple Haired Kuro Woman.

The Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons lookedup at his taller friend. "What secret, woman?"

"Blond Smart Man believes it's time for you to know the secret art, Banana-K."

She explained what is was a quickly fast-walked to the pond to eat Gold Scaly Fish.

And so Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons set out to work on his new goal.

Everyday he worked hard to achieve Banana-K, a secret art only performed by Nobleboys with Hair Ribbons. After vigorous training, the Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons achieved Banana-K.

"Banana-K." He said. But that didn't work. He needed more….pizzazz.

"Banada-K. Unite!" Still, it didn't sound right. He sighed and felt something fall on his head. He looked up to see a pink petal fall on his hair ribbon. HOW DARE IT TOUCH HIS HAIR RIBBON!

Picking up his stick once again, Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons said, "Banana-K. KILL THE PINK PETAL!"

All of a sudden the stick glowed in his hand and made pink confetti shoot up into the air.

Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons looked in surprise at his new weapon. He pointed it to the river saying "Banana-K. KILL THE PINK PETAL!" And sure enough, the river was destroyed.

And now, since he was so happy, Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons went to see Nobleoldman with Hair Straightners, his grandfather. For some weird reason he didn't wear hair curlers.

"Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons," Nobleoldman with Hair Straightners called out. "Would you like a banana?"

Since Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons adored bananas, he took a banana and peeled it open. He had always wanted to own his own banana factory, making bananas and watermelons, but there was a supposed Boy with with Old Man's Hair who took care of the watermelon farm and ate them all in the village.

"Nobleoldman with Hair Straightners," he announced. "I Have—"

"Yes, I know you have a dream," Nobleoldman with Hair Straightners said. "You have a dream that one you will live in a nation where you can wear Hair Curlers."

"Yes, yes, Nobleoldman with Hair Striaghtners," Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons stated. "That is part of a huMan speech. But I have achieved Banana-K."

Just then the banana in his hands got destroyed. He looked down at the flpwer petals destroying it. "NO! STOP IT YOU STUPID STICK!" He took the Panda-Cat that had walked in and began to hit the stick with the Panda-Cat. "Be a good stick and let me eat my banana!"

"Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons," Nobleoldman with Hair Straightners said. "In order to keep the Banana-K calm, you must sing the following."

Then he swung his Shiro-hair from side to side.

_"I whip my hair back and forth I whip my hair back and forth,"_

he sang.

Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons watched Nobleoldman with hair Straightners do so, and decided to do the same. He swung his head singing,

_"I whip my hair back and forth I whip my hair back and forth."_

Nobleoldman shook his hair. "You much whip it _harder._" Nobleoldman demonstrated again.

_"I whip my hair back and forth I whip my hair back and forth."_

Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons tried it again.

_"I whip my hair back and forth I whip my hair back and forth." _

This time, the Banana-K stopped.

Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons was amazed. Now he knew the Noble family song! He vowed to sing it everyday when he took a Shower and did his Banana-K. Everyone knows Noblebabys with Diapers, Nobleboys with Hair Ribbons, Noblemen with Hair Curlers and Nobleoldmen with Hair Straightners had fabulous hair.

When the Nobleboy with Hair Ribbons became a Nobleman with Hair Curlers he did the Noble family song everyday before work for good luck.

He did it in the shower.

He did it during breakfast.

He did it before tests.

He did it during funerals.

He did it when he met his wife.

The Nobleman with Hair Curlers loved Banana-K so much he made it his way of life. So every morning when Red Pineapple Hair Man came to his office, they would do the Noble family song together, whipping their black and red hair. He even taught his sister, Bunny Woman, how to use the Noble family hair song during her fights using the power of Chappy, a secret art only obtained by Bunny Women and Monsters with Black Masks. He even made the Old Bald but White Haired Man do it with his beard.

Nobleman with Hair Curlers was happy he had learned Banana-K. Without it, he wouldn't have known the Noble family song.

* * *

Byakuya froze looking at Yoruichi. Although he tried to pass off as calm and serene, he knew it wouldn't work.

"So, guys," Yoruichi said. "What do you think?"

"What an inaccurate retelling of my life. I assure you none of that happened," he answered with his regular cold voice.

"Nii-sama must look amazing when doing the Noble family song," Rukia said with wide eyes filled with adoration. "Can we do it together nii-sama?"

"No." was all he answered.

Renji laughed. "At least I wasn't hit with a baseball bat again. Taichou, want to whip our hair back and forth?"

Byakuya glared at his subordinate, who faltered and looked down in fear. The party had ended and Yoruichi had decided to tell a "story" before the rest of the gang left, and had forced him to sit _next to_ the head of the table. Could you believe it? NEXT TO THE TABLE! As a Kuchiki, he should be the one standing at the head!

At least everyone was going home. Byakuya told Rukia to head home without him, fearing the condition of his manor since Yachiru had left an hour before. Renji and Kyoraku went home after having a few extra drinks, while Nanao tried to support taichou and ended up beating Renji. Hitsugaya looked annoyed, having been mentioned a second time in a stupid story.

Then the only people left were Yoruichi and Byakuya.

"Yoruichi..."he glared. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"

"What's wrong, Bya-boy?" she smiled. "Did I do wrong telling everyone how you sing that song while-"

"Please don't speak of my awkward teenage years."

**The next day...**

Renji hurried to his taichou's office in worry. He was supposed to turn in a report on the patrol irregularities, but he had sent it to Hisagi to confirm it and Matsumoto had taken it and ripped it up. Currently Hisagi was trying to reason with the blonde woman to make her rewrite the report.

A drop of sweat ran down his forehead. What would the head of the Kuchiki think?

He stopped in front of the door and let our a big breath. WIth an air of courage, he opened the door.

"Taichou I-"

"I whip my hair back and forth I whip my hair back and forth."

Byakuya was standing in front of the mirror and was whipping his black hair in a frenzy. His kensaiken were surpringly intact. Worst of all, he was _smiling._

Just when he was going to give it another go, Byakuya noticed Renji in front of the mirror, who was currently bright red and had closed the door behind him.

Silence.

"taichou..."

"I believe you saw nothing, Renji? And you heard nothing?" he clarifyed in a cool voice, brushing away any astray locks from his face.

Renji looked away and stuttered,"Ye-ye-yes, taichou. N-nothing was seen. Or heard for that matter." Looking up, he whispered. "But can we do that together some time?"

* * *

**Apparently all these stories involve food O_O fruit specifically. I got no idea what I was thinking. It just randomly happened. Do you know who each person was? . I'm pretty sure I gave it away in the last part. But if you know, please review them . And I know it's not as funny as the other one. Sorry about that.**

**Who should the next one be about? **

**Should it be Hisagi, Renji, Ichigo, or Aizen? Hell, lets but Grimmjow and Ulquiorra in there! So who?! If you wanna say, please review them!**

**Love and Panda Hair Curlers,**

**Sabby-sama the Panda Warrior**


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